I don’t remember and if I did

I can’t remember if I’ve mentioned that I’ve got the big ‘C’.. that sounds so stupid the big “c” sounds like some shit you hear on tv or something.. Anyway, it’s kind of interesting to say the least, I mean life to me has been just one fucking interesting thing after another… Never to be taken to seriously otherwise I think it would have killed me a long time ago. 

One thing which I have always, always since childhood had was this internal thing always saying, “you’ll bounce back”, “you’ll get through this”, well surprise, it’s not telling me this this time… Not this time around, I’m afraid, I think it’s been shut down. My little internal thingy has finally been silenced, please bow our heads in silence for his little internal thingy.. thank you…

Well, people and peepets’ it may be that I have come to the end of my life as I once knew it at the age of 48 or not.  I really don’t know, and I’d rather not go, but if it’s time, what the fuck can I do about it, you feel me?  I really don’t know, and it’s kind of fucked up,no it’s really fucked up.  I’m not fulfilled yet, I haven’t gotten to that point yet, but if the life gods say it’s time, then its time.  I can’t be fucked up about it, or too angry I suppose.  Its my life and it’s my death and everything in between is just that… I know that there will be some people who will be glad that I died, and what so weird is theyare weird.  It’s so strange how strange they are but they are and that’s ok with me. 

I’m not one to try and discredit those that discredit me, in fact I won’t even argue, shit apparently they know more about me than me, and that is an amazing thing…

As much as it does bother me, I will let it be, and leave it alone, because it’s their life and not mine, even though they’ve chosen to make shit up about mine and cause my relationships to be strained and shit, it’s still their life and I have nothing for them, not even a defense in the thngs that were said about me.

I’ll just go on about my business of being me until I’m not mea anymore and that’ll be that…

Until then, peace, love and SOOOOOOuuuuuuuullllllll train… it’ll be a stone col gas on…

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