I don’t remember and if I did

I can’t remember if I’ve mentioned that I’ve got the big ‘C’.. that sounds so stupid the big “c” sounds like some shit you hear on tv or something.. Anyway, it’s kind of interesting to say the least, I mean life to me has been just one fucking interesting thing after another… Never to be taken to seriously otherwise I think it would have killed me a long time ago. 

One thing which I have always, always since childhood had was this internal thing always saying, “you’ll bounce back”, “you’ll get through this”, well surprise, it’s not telling me this this time… Not this time around, I’m afraid, I think it’s been shut down. My little internal thingy has finally been silenced, please bow our heads in silence for his little internal thingy.. thank you…

Well, people and peepets’ it may be that I have come to the end of my life as I once knew it at the age of 48 or not.  I really don’t know, and I’d rather not go, but if it’s time, what the fuck can I do about it, you feel me?  I really don’t know, and it’s kind of fucked up,no it’s really fucked up.  I’m not fulfilled yet, I haven’t gotten to that point yet, but if the life gods say it’s time, then its time.  I can’t be fucked up about it, or too angry I suppose.  Its my life and it’s my death and everything in between is just that… I know that there will be some people who will be glad that I died, and what so weird is theyare weird.  It’s so strange how strange they are but they are and that’s ok with me. 

I’m not one to try and discredit those that discredit me, in fact I won’t even argue, shit apparently they know more about me than me, and that is an amazing thing…

As much as it does bother me, I will let it be, and leave it alone, because it’s their life and not mine, even though they’ve chosen to make shit up about mine and cause my relationships to be strained and shit, it’s still their life and I have nothing for them, not even a defense in the thngs that were said about me.

I’ll just go on about my business of being me until I’m not mea anymore and that’ll be that…

Until then, peace, love and SOOOOOOuuuuuuuullllllll train… it’ll be a stone col gas on…

Fucchu & Chu & Chu & Chu.. Thank you

I started feeling ill the other day, I mean it was the kind of illness that you know you’ve got something going on inside. it didn’t necessarily physically hurt or even cause me to have diarrhea or vomit, snort, hack, puke, or burp, but I felt queezy and tired, but the little guys who put a sack over my head and knock me the fuck out would only tease me and say “youuurrr getttinnggg sleeeeepy” and as soon as I was in that state of ohio or kentucky or where ever it is that I go when I’m getttinnnggg sleeeepy, I end up at the border in arizona… and on my skin there’d be these little dancing balarinas that have springs for support that pop out of music boxes and start spinning round and round and you can see her from every angle due to the piece of mirror stuck to the lid. I knew for sure that I had something going on inside of me. But I was took fucking blah.. to go the hospital.. So for a week and a half I slept every where on my bed but on my bed… Finally I gathered my blah ass and headed to the hospital…..

I as I’m driving by to enter the parking lot, it looked more like a pregame tale gate party then a non descript one story brick hospital, with a little sign out front professing to be something of a savior to those who have a fucking runny nose. Me being a procrastinator of epic proportions didn’t even bat a fuck ball, or hit a fucking note, i just crank my wheel 90 degrees and was soon heading back to my bed of beds that I had now found so fucking comfortable for the last two weeks….

But i was determined, i had finally kicked the shit out that the procrastinator, “fuck you asshole”, and was destined that’s right I said destined to go to the hospital. Yes sir, i knew that the time had come for all good men to come to the aid of their country… The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dogs back and forth and back and forth and then he fucking got all cocky and tried to do a 180 degree turn and tripped right on the lazy fucking dogs tail and landed straight on his ass and that lazy dog wasn’t so lazy anymore… If you could have seen this dog laughing, i swear he was choking on a milk bone, but what he was doing was hawking up a lung… his furry body was giggling so violently you wouldn’t dare to even consider this dog as the one who is so aptly named the lazy dog…

nevertheless as the fox was trying to play it off like he meant to fall flat on his ass, I decided to drive fifteen miles to a hospital which i will not name because it’s my secret that I will never devulge but they will take your name, have you sit down and as soon as you decide which seat your going to sit in, cause you know you don’t want to sit next to that chinese lady holding the hankerchef spitting some yellow shit into it, and you don’t want to sit next to the greek middle aged dude who’s a barrel of a man standing 6’2′ tall with the graying hair who’s wife is hanging on his elbow with this look of “oh my god, dimitri… say you’ll be alright?” look on your face while he’s moaning with little beads of sweat forming all over his fore head.. and when you finally find that seat.. on an island where you only have to look at one person in your line of sight sitting directly across from you, they call your name.. Damn..no wait a minute I mean damn in a good way.. shit they called my name in less than 5, 6 , lets see I got here at… who gives a walnut? that’s my name and I’m getting to see the nurse.. Phase two… “ok, please put this under your tooooouungue, and roll up your sleeve like that’s right… Ok, I’ll take that, ok no temparature… alrighty your blood pressure seems to be… What? i don’t know he came in.. excuse me sir, sir SIR! excuse me but I’m with a patient, yes I know but… Sir please if you just have a seat right there I’ll check on it in just one moment for you.. Yes, thank you… “, “ok, where were we?” , “ok, so you were saying?”… “huh?, I was, no wait a minute, i didn’t say shit.. i understand that this man jumped up and down on your attention span, but peep this.. i didn’t say shit, and what if I had though?”, “excuse me?”, “nah.. but check this out, what if I had told you this whole story about how I was having this issue that was really intense and how this and that was going on and if I were placed under a flourescent bulb I’d blow the fuck up?”, “excuse me???”, “no wait, now you got lost on me, and what if you would have pretended to have heard me but didn’t and you made up some shit in your head about how I needed to have my left nut removed because it was causing my neck to swell”.. “you could have caused a afrodisaster and it would have been lights out even though i paid my light bill”…. ” so what I’m feeling here is that your undivided attention is not divided but none existant and you have failed to comprehend the severity of the mulis ditectum and should the basteration of the mondiferus become oblongated by my canlifer, I’m a dead assed mother fucker, and you’d be saying some shit like , excuse me, sir I’ll be with you in just a moment”… “damn bitch, i like to go to atlantic city and gamble, that’s what I do for my piece of mind and some joyment in my posture… and you just fuckin dealt me a hand that only this dude who can’t speak a lick of english except for shit like where go bathroom divert the concentration of a professional health care worker, that being you, who in a monodivided second could have did a 360 and then a 180 and went the other way and I would have been left with this pump shit stuck on my arm screaming in pain while, oh never mind bitch”, “whatchu want to know?”, “sheet, now you made my ventrical a keevo pump out of control, I need my pills”, “sir, please, I apologize, it’s been a long night and this man has been…”, “see? there you go again.. It’s me huh? It’s not anything to do with that man or that mans shirt being half tucked into his pants, it’s about me, a black man.. A man who has been not only overlooked but looked at with one eye closed seeing nothing but my naps cause it’s 3 oclock in the morning and I don’t have white people hair, and I’m sick so i got in my duece and a quarter and rolled down hair witout picking my hair and it’s flat on one side so you naturally assumed that i use a cake cutter instead of a pick… ” nah fuck that, i know racisim when it’s knockin in my engine… Shit, beatch I been a negro goin on most of my life and let me tell you somethin… “this shit hurts right there when I cough”, “ouch! yes right there” “ok, now do you take any medications, drink alchol, any street drugs, cocain, methanphetamines, marijauna?” “now hold on… Why you ask me if I take any medications, and the rest was all these gateway drugs and shit? You asked me any street drugs, that was liletum to the point, i know what those things are, you didn’t have to break them down to me… Just cause I’m a black man, that don’t mean that street drugs and cocaine are two different almalgums of protese inhibitor… I’m feeling kind of racsticised and wish to speak to your superior, if you wouldn’t mind, thank you”, “sir, it was just some routine questions that we….”, “ha! you said it, routine!” ” yes, sir routine”, “routine!, if your a black man of the persuasion… I didn’t hear you one time ask that little filipino man if he had any filipino jungle drugs or any medication… don’t try and change the subject”.. “ok, sir, we’re done here, now if you go wait in the waiting room we will call you name in a minute”. “oh, that’s wrong… that’s so wrong”, “excuse me?”, “that’s wrong, now how you gonna explain that one?”, “i’m sorry sir, i don’t understand what you implying”, “oh, so i’m implying, now am I? Look i’m tellin the truth, you told me to go sit over there, and you were gonna call me names.. I heard you , you said that shit straight to my face and i rightly do not apprecaite being condimended by the anti social labelism that has prescothced the fabric of this society”, “in fact I have had a bite enough and I will not allow you or anyone like you frement my personal being for economic exploition that we call fair trade agreements for all who huddle in masses for massa, i quit!”, “sir you quit?, what do you quit? you can’t quit”, “Oh so you trying to instinmate that i do not have the will power to properly control the emenphis of my own psychological fortitude?”, “sir, i don’t understand what you are trying to insinuate”, “instigation! that what I’m talking about instigation and i’m behest of the establishment making mockery of all that huddle” “I’m boucin out of here like baby bitchs butt during happy hour at the royal castle inn over there on felix road”… “oh, wait a cotton q-tip minute rice…” baby bitches butt, that’s you, ain’t it? baby fuckin bitches is a nurse, HEY EVERYBODY IT”S BABY BITCHES FROM THE ROAL CASTLE INN.. can you do that thing where you squat down and pick up a dollar between your cheeck and grab a shot glass with your butt cheeck and flip it up between those lucisous mounds of flesh so it disappears?”, “sir, i don’t know who baby Bitches is, but she ain’t got shit on me.. Let me knock your shit out the box sir… you got a dollar? oh, you don’t well thats alright cause i don’t want no paper burns anyway, just break aout some change and EVERYONE Gather around… who wants to see me, miss nurse crotch it make a quater out of fifeteen cents?”

This is one for the books

I met a man, via the internet, he claims to have been married to one of the Redgraves, and he was taken to the bank.  Yes, the Courts had their way with him and he was picked clean, and when they were done picking, they boiled the bones, to make sure they got all of the meat.  Nothing left, not even anything to lick your fingers left that’s how bad they jammed him.  I corresponded with him, for a minute and it’s sad but I know it’s the truth when it comes to the Courts.

I today sat in a court room, traffic court mind you.  Yes just traffic court, but the injustice was no less injustice as it is when you are dealing on an unlimited basis.  It was digustingly racist, maybe I’m just being butt touched, I’ll let you decide…..

The clerk read off a bunch of names of people who were dismissed, why not to sure.. no reason, they just said your cases have been dismissed, and told them how to get their baile money refunded… the court room empties out, except… except, people with african names or people originally from that region.. I swear, out of about 30 people we were down to about 5 people all from the african region, or at least african sounding names…

One man who happens to be a doctor was accused of not stopping at a stop sign on the corner where he has lived for some 23 years.  The cop was coming up the street from the opposite direction, and noticed the man did not stop at the stop sign… The judge “so, did you stop?”, the man “well, yes your honor, I’ve lived there for 23 years and I always stop at that stop sign”, judge “really?” the judge sounded just like joe pessi, “so, how long did you stop for?”  the man “oh, I don’t know, probably about 2 seconds”, the judge “guilty”….

The next guy, the judge “so, were you on your cell phone when the officer saw you?”, the guy “no, I was not”, the judge, “but the officer said he saw you”, the guy “well you honor it was a mistake, maybe he thought I was but i was just looking at the time on my phone, because I had to pick up my wife at 8.30 and i was making sure that I was on time because i left the house a little late”, judge “well he says he saw you going southbound and when you saw him you cut acrossed the lanes”, guy “your honor, I was pulling into the hospital where my wife works.  you honor, i brought my telephone records to show you that I was not on the phone for at least a half hour, it was impossible for him to have saw me on the phone”  judge “ok, let me see that, now you say you were picking up your wife at 8.30 correct?” “yes”, “ok, and you were running a little late?” , “about how late?” man “ooh, only about five minutes” , Judge’ “ok, so about five minutes, so that makes it about 8.35 when you were pulled over by the police officer, and  you say it had been at least a half hour since you were on the phone?, so please take a look here and tell me what time it says here on your phone record” , man “ok, lets see here, let me get my glasses, alright, it says here 8.10″ judge “you said a half hour, guilty… next…”  What the fuck was that about? 

A hundred years ago, i had to do some community service, and at the time my wife was on her death bed, so i go into court and ask for an extension.  I tell him, she’s critical and she’s gonna die any moment and i want to be there for her, he says to me “for what?  you just gonna sit there?” ok, I slept in the back of my jeep last night, if you want to call 5 minutes at a time for a total of 45 minutes sleep, and it was in the hospital parking lot, and i went stright from the hospital to the court, and i hadn’t even brushed my teeth ok? and he just asked me what? did he really just say that, or is it sleep deprevation?  must be the latter cause if it wasn’t he’s gettin an ass whoopin…. I said “what’d you just say?” ” he said, what’re you gonna do just sit there?”, I knew that muther f’er said that, I knew it was lack of sleep, goddamn it not now… “yup, if I have to, that’s what I’m gonna do”, “well sir your request is denied”, “what, you must not have heard me”, “no I heard you, but apparently you don’t get it, you sir are a criminal”, “what!?”… fade to grey… wah,wah,wah…. you ever get so pissed off, shit is flyin out of your mouth and you hear it, but it’s like an out of body experience, and you are standing next to yourself and your next to yourself is standing next to him, and they’re having this conversation and commenting on what your saying? “oh damn, no he didn’t just say that”, “oh, yes he did, tell him to go….” , “no, don’t you must control yourself at this moment.  stop it, don’t say those things” , “nah, broa, let that shit out, fuck that punk, let him talk to you like that, he ain’t shit, but a grown assed adult with a black dress with the zipper in the front, tell him to turn that shit around so you can put your foot….”, wah, wah, wah, then I’m thinking to myself, oh shit, and I’m lost again words are flyin, judge or no judge, I’m going to jail for contempt… “oh yeah, well lets get some shit straight, ok, fuck this, my wife is dying and you gonna talk shit to me?”  I was so done, i knew it, but it was enough to be talked to like I’m some child who this man does not know who believes that he is so important that he’s going to dictate from that desk whether or not i can spend my wifes last hours with her? I’m on this side of the desk, i’m a free man, no man will ever shackle me or tie me down as if I don’t know my place amongst those that believe they have some sense of control over my life, i chose to abide by the laws, i am not under any illusion that i have to because they tell me i do, so as long as I’m free, this is my life…. I was done for sure… but all of a sudden the Asst d.a. jumped up out of her chair and said “your honor, I’m familiar with this case and this man is right, its ok your honor”.  I wanted to walk over to that woman and smack the shit out of her….. I mean I appercaite it and all, but fuck him, i don’t need anyone to talk on my behalf… he says “well, umm, umm ok then i…”, I turned around and walked the fuck out….I even balled up my fists and placed my hands behind my back as i was walking cause I could feel the bailiff coming my way… and all i heard was wah, wah, wah, of the judge and i unclenched the fist of one of my hands and put it out in front of me and left the otherone right behind me incase the wanted to put the cuffs on, but with the other hand that was extended before me, it hit the door and the door flew open an smacked into the wall, and i hit the next door, and the sun hit my eyes and i had a deep pain in my chest, my eyes burn, i didn’t see things the same anymore, my eyes were beginning to see new.

I jumped in my jeep and i drove the 15 miles back to the hospital and sat with my wife.  and I told her that I was going to go get our son and I’d be back as soon as i could… It took me about forty minutes round trip and as we walked in to icu, there was a lot of commotion, and we walked into the room and it was full of nurses and technicians and a couple of her doctors.  my son was only eleven, and i walked him over to this little kind of waiting room and i said, “so what do you we should do?”  and he looked up at me and said “i think we have to let mom go, dad”, so i put my arm around his shoulder or so it seemed, but what i was doing was placing my faith in my son, i was placing everything that i was and will be into my 11 year old son, because i didn’t want him to hurt and I didn’t want his mother to be without him, and i couldn’t stop anything, least of all i couldn’t stop wantint to stop it, and i placed my faith in him that he will be alright.  and we walked into her room where they were using the defibulator and thump and her body jumped up violiently as her neck went one way her body went another, it was frantic, one person would hand another a syringe and they stick in in the iv while anotehr person was counting and it was people rushing doing things and her two main doctors were barking orders and they looked at us because they’ve known us for 11 years, and they gave me the look, and all of a sudden my son said “stop”….

Everyone faded into the walls, no one went out past me or my son out the door, they just melted, and they were gone except the two doctors, who were now crying… they were crying and i was standing there while everything was spinning and spinning and the floor was slanting and the doctors came over to me, and i said “thank you”, “we’ll be fine, thank you so much”. and my son and i just stood there, and i told him I’ll leave him alone with his mother, and he said “ok, but wait just a second”, my eleven year old son told me to  wait a second, so i did, “he walked past me and opened the door, there was a priest standing there, and my son said to him “father, can we pray”, wtf? so we did…

After a few minutes, of them being alone, my son came out and we went for a walk, and we walked over to the clinic where he grew up taking his mom three times a week all his life and we thanked all the nurses and doctors and spoke to some patience we knew and thanked them some more.  we walked over to a different part of the hospital, we went to other floors we went to the cafeteria, we walked and thanked people…. and we walked some more….

My life has never been the same…

Ok? Ok…Ok? Ok..Really? Really…

Wtf!  Gotta be in it to get it.. I personally don’t watch tv, or movies I haven’t in almost ten years now.  And i admit that whenever I do pass by a television, I might stop and try to absorb that ray eminating from the screen and try to bask in it as i see so many do, and for some reason, it’s like smokin bunk weed… It’s just blah… Like I said I haven’t watched in almost a decade, and whats really fucked up, is televisions have gone nutty as fuck, realitively speaking… I mean people are spending more than ever on these things whats up with that?  When I hear a television, it’s the same damn laugh track they were using ten years ago.  It’s the same premise for the same shows… When i stopped watching tv, Big brother was a big show, and something island, where people would get voted off an island, and dating shows were big.  Ozzie’s family was on tv and it got so fucking ridiculous, and what’s even more ridiculous, is that people, ordinary people, people who have a nine to five, actually believe that it’s reality tv… I hate to burst peoples bubble, but it’s just called reality, it’s not really reality, well the play on words goes like this… It’s your reality, it’s not reality as those people walk around everyday like that.. They’ve got make up artists, and camera crews and script writers, but it’s YOUR reality, you make it a part of your reality every time it comes on you have to sit a watch the damn thing and absorb it as if it’s actually part of your intellect.   It’s unfortunately reached epedemic proportions, people actually attempt to pull some of that shit off on other people.  They actually have a mental script and they act like they’re on some damn show and they try and pull off  that shit…. It’s amazing to get caught up in an episode of some elses fantasy of reality or is it reality of fantasy?  its weird as fuck to have someone when you’re all alone, turn to you and say some stupid shit, and then turn back and smile at everyone as if to say “I dare you to try and tell everyone I said that” what the fuck is up with that shit?  AS SEEN ON TV… you so craaaazzzy…

I don’t watch tv so, you have to keep in mind that I am not guided by some so called experience that I had through some character on tv.  I’m not going to go leafing through my memory bank and say “hmm, ok, Jared was in this position and he did this, so naturally, if Jared did it, then…”.  i’m not going to do it, i don’t suffer from the same or should I say I don’t subscribe to the scripted repressed memories that are generated from a writers mind and a ficticious or “reality tv stars” experience.  I’m from that part of the city where they call it reality street.  I don’t love jack, and I don’t think bettys looking old, or that tony is going to get jacked by mary if he gets caught with beth, so he better get thomas to help julie so he can make jim think that chris is really not with beth cause shes with tony or so everyone is supposed to beleive but shes really with chris. 

All that and five remotes, and still gotta have a tv in every room, and if beth and tony and chris and who could forget scot can do it, then just imagine what you can do to that unsuspecting flesh and blood neighbor… Heeheeheeteehee…..

Don’t you hate when you miss “your show”?  Geez… Reality tv at its finest.. Cut it out!!

Let me have American Law for 2 million, Jack…

OK, so let’s review, shall we.  No, I don’t like to gloat, so therefore I will brag, just kidding… Well, sort of, I mean I’ll just keep it to myself as I should, but let me tell you somesing, ok, chu lisning?  “Well, honey you should have seen it, I mean it was beauttttiiiiful”.. No, yes, I must, I can’t keep it in any longer, it’s sort of like premature oh, nevermind.. I’ll burst if I don’t tell somebody…

OK, here’s the set up,  in 2007 I received a call to do some work for an attorney.  He was bullshitting and he figured he’d try and rip me off… So, he wrote out a check for something like 5 grand which he normally wouldn’t do, but he figured, he was going to get it back after he scammed me.  So, eventually we did the work and all of a sudden he accuses us of breaking something which we didn’t do… We weren’t actually done with all the work just the majority of it.. So, he tells us that we can’t finish the job, then he tells us we can, then we can’t… So we finally said “fuck you jack, i can jerked off at home, thank you”.. He say’s “well, I’ll just have to kick your asses in court then”, so I say “well, I guess it’s a ass kickin we gonna have to take”..  Fast forward to last year… I receive a summons its the complaint he filed and its all bullshit.  I hire this kid attorney, and he fucks up really bad.  He ends up quitting, and trying to throw the case at the same time.  Personally I think he may have gotten paid off by the plaintiff…. As soon as my attorney quits I get sanctioned by the judge for 3 grand for what my attorney didn’t do… That was not fair, and the judge knew that it wasn’t my fault.  So, I don’t pay the creep.  But what I do do, is I give him every document I have pertaining to the case, all of the evidence against him, e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g… He sees that I’ve got some shit that’ll make him look stupid and prove he’s lying his ass off.. So he hides some of the evidence and destroys some of the shit like I don’t have copies… He then complains to the judge that I gave him a mess of documents… Wtf?  I tell the judge, what does it matter if I didn’t sign them, he didn’t ask for them just a couple of them but I gave him everything…

She tells me to give him what he wants.. Now, I know i’m fucked. He files a motion to have all of testimony stricken, and my evidence thrown out, and the case defaulted…. The judge granted him the motion declaring him the winner.. ta-fucken-dah… But my fair feathered flock, he did not name his damages… He didn’t name his damages, he didn’t name his damages, what’s that I say, he didn’t name his damages… he’s the winner of nothing, so I tell the judge, “hey, he didn’t name his damages”, she says “well, we’ll have him come back and name them”… Oh, no that’s wrong… and I was doomed…

Corruption… Plain and the plane boss, and simple…

The next hearing comes up where I’m supposed to get raped… The judge isn’t there, nor is the plaintiff. hmmmm… the new judge says, we’ll set it for next month.. So, I go back to the court to take a look at my file, and theycan’t find it… I go back antoher day, they still can’t find it… yet another day.. same thing, this time I ask the clerk where’s the judge… “oh, she got shipped the fuck out of dodge”, that’s right boyz n the hood, shipped the fuck out, over and out, ouch, oooooph, bang, pow, zip, zuey and the gang of one, she got caught talking shit to me by the head mexican in charge… busted, flat and cold, game set and match… and… he reversed the ruling… and now come Miller time.. can anyone say 2 million dollars?

Pokin at it to see if It’s about done, did, do, da, dae…

It’s a time in everyones life to try and get a new perspective on things… New President, great… No really great, really? Really, great.. whoopee.. It’s too late folks, it’s way to late….

C’mon you really that a black president was voted into office by the people for the people?? Ok, now by a show of hands, how many of you voted for Bush?  Ok, bad example, I didn’t realise that so many of you were, oh never mind…  Looky here, I’m all for a brotha being president, and all that, but, from my perspective, it seems to me they needed a distraction really bad, and really quick cause Jorge phucked up.. He phucked up really bad, how bad you may ask?  Of course you didn’t but let me answer that anyway.. He phucked up so bad they put a black man in office, that’s how phucked up he did shit… That’s phuckin bad, my brotha… Wouldn’t you agree?  All phuckin bets were off after jorge did his number.  He was, oh excuse me, he IS so stupid, it’s amazing that we survived, oh I guess a lot of us didn’t.

9/11 was a deal that jorge tried to double cross the arabs with.  He wasn’t the broker of the deal but he was the one who was supposed to let shit happen, and he tried to be mister phuck you, we got your oil and shit, so phuck you and piss off, you’re not getting shit from Jorge, and you know what, he changed his mind.  yup, sure did, he got scared as phuck, yup, yes he did.  You know why, cause they did 9/11 and he said, ok, ok, now you got my attention, and they wanted to get paid.   He did some deal, no wait, let me get this right, they did some deal whoever they are, but jorge was the puppet.  He was supposed to do something to pay them back for some favors and when he didn’t they said say hello to my little friend… And then he realized they meant business… So, remember the gas prices went out of control before he got out of office?  You think that had something to do with paying them back?  yup, you can believe that. No, question, jorge had to pay before he left office, so we paid again for the stupid phuck and now we’re still payin.. next time you see jorge, tell him i said.. nah, phuck it, i ain’t got no love for the punk..

Well Low and Fuckn Behold

I’ve had my voice taken away, way, away.  I mean damn people, I was rollin with the rest of the crew… I was the one who finally had the answer come to me and I knew that I had spent my life as being wrong…. As in fuckin incorrect, my theory was bunk, no good, for nothin.  Not even for me, I was starting my life over and out….

I held a belief that if we, as in us, or at least me, if I were to conduct my life as a caring person, who did not intentionally steal, hurt, maim my mammy, intentionally conspire, or generally fuck people over.  If I was cognizant of peoples oddities, and fuckups and listened, not necessarily agreeing but listened and attempted to understand and not overtly form an opinion, or attempt to push my opinion in, up or around others, and didn’t fault people for faults cause lord knows that i am with faults, in fact she and I are on intimate terms…. She’s havin my baby, oh how I love her… But understood that weirdness is part of being the peoples that we am be, strangeness is not a foriegn language to any fucken body.  Let us bow our heads and prey upon those that call weirdness, strange.. We all try and hide our weirdness and call the others weird, but come the fuck on… If you work together, and you decide to of all things go fucking fishing together on the weekend, tell me that ain’t strange… Fishing is one of the strangest fucking things in the world if you ask me… I can not see myself going out on a boat throwing in a fucking string into the water to catch a goddamn fish so I can take it home to cook and eat when I can go down the fucking street to the Ralphs and purchase a goddamn fish and cook it… What the fuck is up with that?

Oh, you do it for the sport?  Give me a break, for the sport?  Sports is basketball, baseball, kick fuckin ball, not fishin…. Let me break this down, sports are a physical endeavor, you train, you get into shape for this event, you strategize, even in kick ball, but fishing, you don’t do shit.  That ain’t a sport that’s fucking boring fucking nothing but throwing a string into the water and you get played by fish… And if you catch one you are a proud motherfucker.. that my friends is embarrassing.  How the fuck you going to be proud of a stupid assed fish jumping on to your stupid assed fucking hook?  You my friend have lowered expectations in life and don’t aspire to shit, but owning your home, and fishing… that’s it.. maybe fucking the neighbors wife, but that’s about as high as your expectations is life goes.. ok, maybe buying that new fishing boat, but you know you won’t cause you’re spending it on that brand fucking new surburban assualt vehicle.. “whoo hoo charlie, nice fuckin truck you got there”, “well thank you joshua”, “why surely, I bet it cost you a righteous penny”, “well, you know they take care of us down at the fuckin cubicle inn”, “i guess they do.  so are there any job openings?”.  “well, I’ll check on that for you, how’s about us going fishin next weekend, what do ya say?” “well fucken a right”….

Fade to black and tomorrow is a nother fuckin day at the Cubicle Inn.. You walk into the office and everyones gearing up for the meeting and you tell your cube mate about the purchase you made, and he goes on line and looks at the reviews and he says what a fucking deal you got and your chest is puffed out so far, it looks like you’ve been huffing spray paint with those street kids in brazil, of which I hear the Krylon Rust tough semi flat gold is a buzz in a half.  But you have now locked yourself into or out of tit bar money, but then again you’ve always got the 401k money, and you heard a rumor that bonuses this year are gonna smoke last years, this year it should be a good 4%.  Ouchee baby, come to poppa, maybe you can get the missus a fucking breast job, and the following years bonus she can get the other one done.  But until then, you’ll just go fishing with your cubicle mates cause your such a sporting kind of guy… But I digress… shit if i digressed anymore I’d be back with the cave men back in time… doing of all things fishing… Can you tell I hate fishing?  It’s a thing I carry since my youth.. please forgive me…

Anyway, where was I.. oh fuck it.. just be good to the fish and they will be good to you…

Thank you

Excuse me, can you hold my place, i’ll be right back….thankyou

Now let’s get something straight ok?  I saw what blogs “i might be interested in” and let me tell you, I have no interest in “oh what a bad day I’m having”, or “what makes me me”, “it sucks being lonely in this world”… Everyday is a good day or bad day depending on what you want it to be… I am in no way sad, in despair, or desperate about anything or anyone.  I love my life and life itself.  I am the most positive person i know and it’s what’s driving me nuts to know that people hate people that are positive.  That’s what this blog has been all about, is me being able to write from the perspective of some really negative people.  The way that I see them and what they’ve come to represent in my life.  They’ve managed to come up with some really good stuff to offset me and it’s their quest in life.  How brilliant i will admit some of it is, but wow, they’ve gone to some really deep extremes to do this.  What the fuck is it that drives people to do these things?  I mean what drives a person or people to tell others things that aren’t true about someone?  And if you are the one who is being told this, why in the world don’t you say to yourself, why are they telling me this?  Is it because they care so much about the person they are talking about they are trying to get them help, or are they so concerned about me that they are warning me?  Now if its to warn me, then why hasn’t the person that they are talking about made me a victim of their duplicitous ways, and if its the former why are they telling me this?  Maybe it’s that they aren’t telling me the truth?  hmmmm… but nevertheless the story tellers are having their way and i’m baaa.baaa, the black sheep.. boo hoo…no not really, i’m at a loss.  I don’t know how to counter that, without feeling like i’m trying to defend myself against whatevers been said.  Hell, i don’t even know what’s been said, but whatever it is it’s got to be good and i would just love to hear it… I would keep my mouth shut just to hear it i really would… i hope someone some day has the nerve to say, “i hate you cause i heard blah, blah, blah”.  It’s got to be good shit, come on you guys let me hear.. please?  I promise I won’t say anything..

I don’t care, let me in on it… I guess cause i don’t talk shit about you or about anything that’s not ugly about others, i’m fullof shit.. ok i agree, i’m ppphhhpphphphony, i’m not happy all the time, i’m as miserable as you are, i just don’t talk about it with everyone.. look i’m talking about my girlfriend just like you, she’s such a bitch, god i can’t stand her.. don’t you think i should leave her, she’s such a bitch… how was that?  God, i hate my my my toes, no that’s not a good one, oh i know did you hear about.. that’s no good either.. let’s see hmmm hmmmm… no wait, it’s coming, i knowit’s here somewhere, just wait, i’ll find another one.. oh, i got it, how about dad, when i was… no that’s no good that happened forty years ago, lets see… well enough about me, what about you…? i’m fresh out of things to say about people who i don’t like, maybe because if i don’t like them i just leave them alone and let people judge them with their own set of ethos and not my own… I guess that’s my problem, i give too much credit to allow people to think for themselves and damn me.. there i go again, no i’m with you… who do you want to talk about next.. ? hey i know let’s talk about you.. nah that’s no fun you suck anyway, you’re boring all you do is talk about other people and about your problems…. Wow you’re a great person thanks, that was such a good time, i can’t wait until next time…Have a nice day.

Times Slippin, Slidin, by my Side and…..

If there was ever a time when we could just sit down and… well sit down, i guess that would have been when?  Was there a time when people just sat around and really didn’t think about much?  I’ve known a couple of people who when asked, “so whatcha’ thinkin?” would reply “nothin”, and I’d pose the question again, but rephrase it a little bit, “no, really so whatcha’ thinkin about at this very moment?”, “nothin’”, “C’mon, you’ve got to be thinking about something, nobody doesn’t think about nothin”, “no really I’m not thinking about anything”… No, fucking way, is that possible?  I mean even when meditating you think about relaxing or whatever, but to think about nothing must be nirvana, the ultimate space, and place that we all aspire to.  I wil always wonder if it’s possible to be able to go there.

I’ve gotten to the place where I didn’t let things bother me, nothing.  and I got resentment from people for it.  I told them, “hey look, I know you’ve got problems, but when you’re with me, you don’t need to worry about those problems”.  I know it sounded like I was not concerned or compassionate, but that’s not the case, they didn’t get it.  I was just attempting to get them to understand that, they too can be free of those worries, all you’ve got to do, is take your time and understand, I mean really understand that there are some things that you can not do jack about.  Nothing, nada, absolutely nothing about, so what’s the point in allowing for those things to bother you?  The things you can do something about, do something about, and if you’re not going to do anything about them, then don’t.  But don’t ask me, cause that’s my advice, I can’t tell you what to do.  I’m trying not to worry about things and now I’ve got to worry for you?  Hey pal, I love you and all but woof,woof… You know what I mean?

Hmmmm… excuse me… excuse me please, excuse me.. HEY EINSTEIN DIDN’T YOU HEAR ME MOVE OUT OF THE WAY!!!

Ok, so you thought, maybe not, so I thought that I… No i didn’t, ok so I couldn’t log back in to my blog… So what, shit happens, isn’t that right Mr. Taint?  I have so many blogs and ok, another confession, where I was they don’t allow you to have use of the computer. Well they let you use the computer  but when your circulation is cut off from your hands as long as mine was, I wasn’t sure if I had any left  to write…. So, i took to using my toes, but who knows what good that did, cause I couldn’t remember what i was trying to remember… I had a lot of time to think but as soon as I got around to being around, i was shocked, zapped, zipped, crunched, and zizzled more than the surgeon general could safely recommend before being dishonorably discharged.  So what, right? Huh?  why? are you gonna give me an explanation or do I have to guess again…?  Oh, you’re not gonna say are you,? well I’ll ask again, why didn’t you write me?  I was there with everyone and as soon as there was any hint of a zot, you all abandoned me as if I was.. as if I was… wooowwww…. I still have effects from frrrepotidahjkdjdmmmmm.. As I was saying, when I finally found a pair that fit, it was how I was gonna eat at least my share considering I paid for everyone… So, if you see my cat can you call me and let me know, so I can be sure to let you know… Until now thank you….