Excuse me, can you hold my place, i’ll be right back….thankyou

Now let’s get something straight ok?  I saw what blogs “i might be interested in” and let me tell you, I have no interest in “oh what a bad day I’m having”, or “what makes me me”, “it sucks being lonely in this world”… Everyday is a good day or bad day depending on what you want it to be… I am in no way sad, in despair, or desperate about anything or anyone.  I love my life and life itself.  I am the most positive person i know and it’s what’s driving me nuts to know that people hate people that are positive.  That’s what this blog has been all about, is me being able to write from the perspective of some really negative people.  The way that I see them and what they’ve come to represent in my life.  They’ve managed to come up with some really good stuff to offset me and it’s their quest in life.  How brilliant i will admit some of it is, but wow, they’ve gone to some really deep extremes to do this.  What the fuck is it that drives people to do these things?  I mean what drives a person or people to tell others things that aren’t true about someone?  And if you are the one who is being told this, why in the world don’t you say to yourself, why are they telling me this?  Is it because they care so much about the person they are talking about they are trying to get them help, or are they so concerned about me that they are warning me?  Now if its to warn me, then why hasn’t the person that they are talking about made me a victim of their duplicitous ways, and if its the former why are they telling me this?  Maybe it’s that they aren’t telling me the truth?  hmmmm… but nevertheless the story tellers are having their way and i’m baaa.baaa, the black sheep.. boo hoo…no not really, i’m at a loss.  I don’t know how to counter that, without feeling like i’m trying to defend myself against whatevers been said.  Hell, i don’t even know what’s been said, but whatever it is it’s got to be good and i would just love to hear it… I would keep my mouth shut just to hear it i really would… i hope someone some day has the nerve to say, “i hate you cause i heard blah, blah, blah”.  It’s got to be good shit, come on you guys let me hear.. please?  I promise I won’t say anything..

I don’t care, let me in on it… I guess cause i don’t talk shit about you or about anything that’s not ugly about others, i’m fullof shit.. ok i agree, i’m ppphhhpphphphony, i’m not happy all the time, i’m as miserable as you are, i just don’t talk about it with everyone.. look i’m talking about my girlfriend just like you, she’s such a bitch, god i can’t stand her.. don’t you think i should leave her, she’s such a bitch… how was that?  God, i hate my my my toes, no that’s not a good one, oh i know did you hear about.. that’s no good either.. let’s see hmmm hmmmm… no wait, it’s coming, i knowit’s here somewhere, just wait, i’ll find another one.. oh, i got it, how about dad, when i was… no that’s no good that happened forty years ago, lets see… well enough about me, what about you…? i’m fresh out of things to say about people who i don’t like, maybe because if i don’t like them i just leave them alone and let people judge them with their own set of ethos and not my own… I guess that’s my problem, i give too much credit to allow people to think for themselves and damn me.. there i go again, no i’m with you… who do you want to talk about next.. ? hey i know let’s talk about you.. nah that’s no fun you suck anyway, you’re boring all you do is talk about other people and about your problems…. Wow you’re a great person thanks, that was such a good time, i can’t wait until next time…Have a nice day.

Times Slippin, Slidin, by my Side and…..

If there was ever a time when we could just sit down and… well sit down, i guess that would have been when?  Was there a time when people just sat around and really didn’t think about much?  I’ve known a couple of people who when asked, “so whatcha’ thinkin?” would reply “nothin”, and I’d pose the question again, but rephrase it a little bit, “no, really so whatcha’ thinkin about at this very moment?”, “nothin’”, “C’mon, you’ve got to be thinking about something, nobody doesn’t think about nothin”, “no really I’m not thinking about anything”… No, fucking way, is that possible?  I mean even when meditating you think about relaxing or whatever, but to think about nothing must be nirvana, the ultimate space, and place that we all aspire to.  I wil always wonder if it’s possible to be able to go there.

I’ve gotten to the place where I didn’t let things bother me, nothing.  and I got resentment from people for it.  I told them, “hey look, I know you’ve got problems, but when you’re with me, you don’t need to worry about those problems”.  I know it sounded like I was not concerned or compassionate, but that’s not the case, they didn’t get it.  I was just attempting to get them to understand that, they too can be free of those worries, all you’ve got to do, is take your time and understand, I mean really understand that there are some things that you can not do jack about.  Nothing, nada, absolutely nothing about, so what’s the point in allowing for those things to bother you?  The things you can do something about, do something about, and if you’re not going to do anything about them, then don’t.  But don’t ask me, cause that’s my advice, I can’t tell you what to do.  I’m trying not to worry about things and now I’ve got to worry for you?  Hey pal, I love you and all but woof,woof… You know what I mean?

Hmmmm… excuse me… excuse me please, excuse me.. HEY EINSTEIN DIDN’T YOU HEAR ME MOVE OUT OF THE WAY!!!

Ok, so you thought, maybe not, so I thought that I… No i didn’t, ok so I couldn’t log back in to my blog… So what, shit happens, isn’t that right Mr. Taint?  I have so many blogs and ok, another confession, where I was they don’t allow you to have use of the computer. Well they let you use the computer  but when your circulation is cut off from your hands as long as mine was, I wasn’t sure if I had any left  to write…. So, i took to using my toes, but who knows what good that did, cause I couldn’t remember what i was trying to remember… I had a lot of time to think but as soon as I got around to being around, i was shocked, zapped, zipped, crunched, and zizzled more than the surgeon general could safely recommend before being dishonorably discharged.  So what, right? Huh?  why? are you gonna give me an explanation or do I have to guess again…?  Oh, you’re not gonna say are you,? well I’ll ask again, why didn’t you write me?  I was there with everyone and as soon as there was any hint of a zot, you all abandoned me as if I was.. as if I was… wooowwww…. I still have effects from frrrepotidahjkdjdmmmmm.. As I was saying, when I finally found a pair that fit, it was how I was gonna eat at least my share considering I paid for everyone… So, if you see my cat can you call me and let me know, so I can be sure to let you know… Until now thank you….

No, Please Go….No, Wait What I Meant to Say Was… “Go, Please”

It’s as if your sliding through Grand Central at the peak of the morning rush… Everybody’s intent on getting to where they’ve got to go.  Whether they’re thinking they’ve got to get to the end of the day, end of the week, end of their rope, or just to the office, everybodys cruisin.   Thousands of people in one wide open building, not looking at each other, but sensing, feeling, aura’s are bouncing off of each and some zig when you zag and those go way up high, but they always come back down and slip slidin, slither,sloush,sizzle,zizzle, back like a alligator floatin down the bayou by me, and i didn’t even see, and it didn’t matter cause it’s all good.  Nobody’s bumpin into each other, unless of course it’s intentional then they’re crashing, or doing that little dance, shuffle, shuffle , left, shuffle, shuffle right, and it looks just like when you were learning to waltz in second grade.  You don’t look at that tower ugly girl you were paired with, you just shuffle off to buffalo and behold you look each other in the eye, trying to be polite in unison, “excuse me, no, go ahead, no, ooh, oops” and you both feel stupid as fuck, but it’s an emotion that’s been done before, so you shake your head like you’re saying that that person’s an idiot, but you know damn good and well, you were both in a rythm and you did a dance  Mrs. Likamon would have been proud.  In fact somewhere in the back of your mind you heard her  clap her hands  together and  saw her smile saying, “that’s right you two, now you’ve got it, how lovely.. Ok the next two”… But reality kicked, and you were back on getting to whereever it is that you were intent on going in the first place.. Shuffle through grand central..

And thats life baby, shuffle, shuffle, slide, its a ride, in all kinds of weather, and it’s the only place that it’ll rain, snow, sunburn you, make you comfortable and wine and dine, pick you up, throw you down, stick it’s tongue down your throat, and suck on your bottom lip, and lick the ear lobe and rim the inside of your ear like its a ride, and scream in  your ear all in one day…. Whew!  It’s alot for the one low price of, whatever it is they can get for it, and why the fuck not.

Bargain priced, red tag sale, always a price to pay, next stop 99cent store, ouch! watch out cause when you’ve been relegated to that part of life, you my friend are pretty much sucked off with a mouth full of teeth to make sure you’re not enjoying it…. But before you landed right next to the rotting 99ct onions, you rode that slippery slope like you knew you were gonna land on your fat ass and slide like it was the electric bogaloo.  And some do, some get it, some say there is absolutely nothing that is so bad that even if life is suckin the wrong end of my cigar, I’m just gonna watch it likes it’s the best damn movie I’ve ever seen, cause and effect, everything happens for a reason, and tomorrow is just another reason to slip, and slide through grand central… You can bet that when you wake up two weeks from now, your eyes are gonna open…

Nothing Is Sacred Except They Unto Themselves

It’s a lesson in geography really, as we are all islands that stand alone, yet we all say, come back to Jamacia… No? Yes… We welcome you back into our homes into our lives, but catch us at the right moment and no one will be home…. It’s too late in the day, it’s too early, you caught us at a bad time, sorry. ….. You know, it’s just a saying, a cliche’ thats all it is, we didn’t really mean what we said, we didn’t really mean for you to come back…. Oh, did I say that? What I meant to say was…

We are all human i suppose and as such we say and do things that can be construed as unfeeling, uncaring, or underhanded, overhanded, heavy handed, left handed, but not right. It’s can’t be said that it was the way they wanted it so that’s good enough. No, it’s got to get put in it’s proper perspective by the one who is hearing it, when the person who said it already had it in perspective. It’s not to be whisked around, shaken, stirred, blended or purried…. Nope, no sir, no evil axis, or axes to grind for that matter. Just take it straight up bar tender, scotch neat, no ice, water, or bullshit, especially from you sir. You are there to serve what we ask period… So why do people accept things they can touch as what they are, but words are so fucking difficult to take without putting a god damned spin on it? What the fuck is that all about? Why is it that we speak a common language yet it has to be interpeted? It’s beyond me, far and away, for strike two, and heres the pitch, and it looks like mookies got this one and its going, going, going, where’s he going?” “HE’s gonna run the bases i suppose”, “what do you mean suppose?”, “well you asked where’s he going”, “yeah, so”, “so I suppose he’s gonna run the bases, this is baseball you know? When you hit a homerun, it’s mandatory that you run the bases”, “So why do you suppose?” “because it’s the rules”, “no you dumbshit, I’m asking why do YOU suppose?”, “Huh?” “Now, pay close attention to what I am saying, ok?” , “yeah, ok”, “OK, good, now if he hits a home run, he is going to run the bases correct?”, “yeah , that’s what….”, “no, shush, let me finish”, “alright, go ahead”, “thank you, now you said you suppose he’s going to run the bases when I asked where’s he going”, “yeah so”, “so why did you have to suppose? If he would have run the bases do you think you would have supposed then?”, “well of course not, he would have ran the bases then”, “exactly, and just because I asked where’s he’s going that was going to change anything?”, “well, no I don’t think so”,”see there you go again, you don’t think so… do you know so or ….” “well folks it’s the seventh inning stretch and I know that you won’t be seeing me for the bottom of the seventh, cause I know that I can’t take anymore of this dennis miller bullshit from my colleague so IIII aaammmm outtta here…..

Now Hold on a Minute, U Mean to Tell Me That You Didn’t Let Go?

Who among the throng of people that are the players of (is throng a  word?) I’ve heard of thongs, in fact I’ve heard thongs, but that’s another story all together, in fact there wasn’t much to keep together… teehee…. But back… Nice… But Back Thong…. Ok, it wasn’t a conscience  thing, thought, thong,  that I thunk but I’ll take it, in fact sir  I’ll take half a dozen and wrap up the other six  to go would you please?  I’ll have a look around while you’re tending to that if you don’t mind…. Thank you, you are much too kind…. Kind… actually what kind, are you genuinely kind, or kinda something or other?

I was insulted about a week ago by a doctor, who assumed I was somewhat illiterate, I am actually but I am semi somewhat,  not full blown somewhat yet, so I was pretty much taken to my Popeye persona… “I’ve taken all I can stands and I can’t stands no more”.. So I finally broke down my creditials and pedigrees and stuck my tongue out so he could count th rings, but before he could I answered and hung up on… oh wait that was the other guy.  I digress, regress, undress, I must confess, I’d rather be naked anyday, then clothed someday, if you get my draft…

But I had been performing my duty as a small business owner and he was only there at his daughters condo as a protector of her ikea furniture… But he/she somebody bought some thing and when i was done doing my job, he said he didn’t like it….. At that point I immediately said nor do i, in fact i never did like it, but that’s not what I am here for.  You bought it I took  care of my part and I’m audi 5000….  But NNNooooo…… He was very unhappy, and I saw it coming like you know when you’re gonna sneeze, first the discomfort, then a sharp kind of sensation, the the prickly, slide the spatula underneath very gently so as to not distrub anything and flip it over cause you are done chu… Bless you….

Now prior to this revelation, he’s going on (in his defense not too much), but he did mention once or twice that raising an daughter attorney, ok, so she’s a liar, what’s new?  she’s picky, she’s so smart, she picked this, wanted that, blah, blah, blah…. Nice, sweeet, I mean that sincerely, that’s awesome that she’s thirty and just moved out of the house straight in to her west la townhouse… But never the less, he’s displeased and I’m telling him, yup, those things suck thebig one… Now I can let it fly cause we’re sailing on the same ship….. But true to form, the customers for some fucking reason have this thing about blaming me… Me, moui, I, me as in me, I’m it, the one, dumpster dan and his dandy debutonantes, once again let’s give him an arousal, I mean an arousing applaud, fuck that let’s give him a foot up his ass, cause I fucked up and bought the wrong shit, and he didn’t tell me shit until it was all said and done with.  Now he did his job and he wasnt to get paid, when I bought the wrong shit… No fuck that its his fault that I bought the ok, ok, maybe not his fault  wait did I say bought, I meant to say brought the wrong shit, cause had he said something when he got here, i wouldn’t have brought it all the way acrossed the room and would have told him to go fuck himself cause i wanted it…. How dare you come into my home and tell me i bought the wrong shit… but since he didn’t he should have… that’s right it’s your job the doctor said to me… Yup, he said you should have came in here and said “sir, with all due respect but based upon my professional opinion I don’t like that…. and I said “what?, and that’s gonna make a difference?”  Ok so I thought that, but what came out was more like, “fuck you jack, look mutherfucker” and fade to black… then he says, “I didn’t offend you, i didn’t curse at you or … blah,blah…” and I really didn’t catch the rest cause I caught enough… Now those of you who are reading this aloud or to yourselves… stay with me cause this is where the truth and the truth diverge and snap back together really quickly so you’ve got to be fuckin bunny quick… Now, if I’m feeling insulted, wouldn’t that be my own feelings that are being insulted, so is it possible for someone else to tell me that I don’t feel insulted because he didn’t meet the criteria of insulting me?  Hello, is everyone ok?  are we all still here together, ok, everybody lets count off and make sure we didn’t lose anyone on that one or two… Wow…. So my point is, who the fuck is driving the bus?

Wasted Ddddays and Waist High Nights…

I have a question that is rhetorical in a sense, as no cents, poor, empty, none, priests, morally bankrupt… But alas the question that I will put before the masses at mass, if it’ll pass but I will admit it is a bit crass, but if you don’t like it you can kiss the baker….. Does anyone know the definition of a good friend… clik clak, tick, tock, looking down oops got a hole in my sock…. you give up, well sit down then, and I’ll splain… the definition of a good friend is someone who goes downtown and gets two blow jobs and comes back and give you one…. Now that my good people is a friend indeed cause they always know a friend in need.  But it’s all in the deed I say, and it’s number three that I had to lay out just because they were so fucking greedy, and steal me… That’s right I said it, they tried and lied, and even professed honesty, they didn’t stop.. No, no, not even nope, they continued until those that said they didn’t want to hear it, those that were supposedly unbiased, or even no wrong choice of words…. even is not what they were they were disinterested, but to those that had a tail like a snake who has nothing but, they continued to work at it… Knowing damn good and well I was not even the slightest bit interested in defending myself towards some moronic hyperbole…..

If you think I am just embellishing I will give you a taste of some of the mustard that was once on the hot dog, but they being so clever it slipped right off the dog and poof… It was said to me and I quote “my family hates you, and it pisses me off”, so i say “why do they hate me they don’t even know me”, so my chum says’ “I know, that’s what really pisses me off, they have no right to hate you”, so me being the wise man that I am says “hmmm, maybe it’s because of the things you tell them about me perhaps”, so Einstein says to me “well, yeah”…l.  Get the fuck outta here you boron… poof! be gone and what the hell was I doing discussing what others thought of me because you thought so much of me that you had the only right to discuss and feel about me the way you do… Exclusivity is a mother fucker when it’s you that has the god given right to have the inside track to someone and you only posses the right to stomp, flop,flip,lie,squander,piddle,paddle, fold, spindle and mutilate…. am i right my sister?

Klippity Klop… Who’s That Crossing My Bridge?!

Made it… Hecho indoors, safe and sound, i’m bound and gagged… actually i’m beside myself… Hey, get away from me…!! Sometimes I’m so clever, i think i need to sneak up on me… teehee hehe… i did another one and they didn’t even see it coming.. those pompous purveyors of the self indulged guild, those i’m so important that i can come and go, and walk on you and you and you see how easy it is to be my dupe. “Sure I’ll tell you something else about him, now don’t you like me better?” How can that be i ask you… I asked you a fucking question, aren’t you going to answer me or do you want… no wait a minute I’m letting myself get the best of me… so please accept my apologies, its time to decompress, breath my friend, deeply…. alright i feel a little bettter…. now lets see if i can finish writing this thought out….

What gets to me is how some people can be so fofofophoney… i mean why would they consider someone their friend, but lie to them about someone else? isn’t that deceiving someone? and for what reason? Well who CARES? NOT ME!!! i’d walk a mile for a camel, and dance in the dark if only the hump were something i needed to get over. but it doesn’t matter what i’d do cause i did it la la laalaa… i did number 2 on well i better not say, cause it’ll be in the papers no doubt… but that’ll be when they stop looking, then they will find, but never no where it came from or where it went… just that it’s over and gone, done… another visit by the mystery of life… we should all keep things that belong to us to ourselves and things that belong to others… well in the end i guess it was a deep enough subject to belong to me.. he he he lalala

My Baby Does the Hankey Panckey, and Turn Yourself Around & That’s What its all ABOUT!

Well, days come and go blah, blah, blah……  I woke up this morning and washed the morning out of my mouth with what was left over beer that was … who cares where it was from, or where i got… do you? Of course not, nobody cares… that’s why i had and have and will do what I have to do…. i care, but you know this, that and the other thing. the thing about it is that this thing is that way cause if the thing were any more of a thing the way things sometimes get way out there, the who’s gonna bring in the thing before it grows and festers like something other than what it is?  Nobody, is thats why I have to do it, for everyone that has anything to do with it.  They are all miserable and they want to draw others into this thing.  The others don’t even have any idea, but they are on the surface all the fucking same… Oh, yes… all the same… you know how it is when you  start that bullshit, or horseshit, even full of shit, but shit nevertheless, and why wouldn’t it be shit…. Wouldn’t you rather be pissed off than pissed on… sure… but you don’t have that option, so it’s shit for you… relegated to the shit detail… you didn’t even sign up but once again, you stepped into this nice sized puddle of ….  Whew!  I need to get a grip here

What is it that makes a person a person to be liked, disliked, fooled, followed, fondled, phoned, phucked, and more importantly FED UP!  not fed ex if it was fed ex, then we wouldn’t need to worry about it, cause it would be ex.. but noooo… sooooo…. lets gooooo…..

Now that Im up, it is time to get down… way down and dirty… i came up with a nice one today. there’s been a lot of police activity around my neighborhood today, so what better way to get things done, but in the face. I’ll just make my way as usual, just another face in the crowd, not saying much, not to loud… always on my way, never wanting to stay.. butthey all say, “there goes jack, he’s such a nice guy, see ya when you get back”… and I smile and wave… and wave some more… help the lady with her bag, the boy with his skate, even those people i help that I hate… but inside, there’s a slide that is slippery, they must and will ride… kerplunk… thud…. splat!

Today is the Day, Cause Today is a Good Day to Do It, So I DID IT!

I had to do it, they drove me around the block like miss daisy…. but the car wasn’t so nice…. In fact as i rode in the backseat not minding the lack of lumbar support, and the stench of whatever it was, I had to get out and push the fucking car. It’s not even my fucking car, and I have to push so you can give me a ride? what is wrong with this picture, other than the artist can’t draw.

Well, i got tired of people coming so they can go and report on what i was up to… no, no, don’t get me wrong. I’m not paranoid or even angry anymore, in fact after this afternoon i feel a nice change in the weather comin. Yup, and everytime I do what I did and no one knows what it is, everytime i get a call asking me if I heard, everytime I say “oh my god! what?!” I’ll feel this little nice warm fuzzy deep in the belly of my bellys belly. Mmmmmmm…. so nice and warm and fuzzy… who me? i just get so campbell soup warm that i forget what it is that I was in the process of doing. I suppose i could begin to blog the journey until, well until.. who know where this will go, and how.. besides it’s not like anyone knows other than me… sure I’ve read other peoples blog and you know what? If you don’t have people already reading it, trust me, nobodies gonna read it….. Some of this shit is shit…. “my hubby george lost 7lbs and we went to fuckdom and duckum and she suckum and” Fuckdem… thats what I say.. so over and out, set em up, knockem down.. all the way down… way way way down….